Drawing: Noises Off, starring Jonathan Coy, Janie Dee, Robert Glenister, Jamie Glover, Celia Imrie, Karl Johnson, Aisling Loftus, Amy Nuttall and Paul Ready

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Large cast, Winter weather, exposed stage door (actually there are very few covered stage doors at London theatres) was the bad news. The good news was they were all good signers if you were good enough to meet them.

I required the nine cast members of Noises Off to sign my sketch at the Old Vic in January 2012. In alphabetical order – Jonathan Coy, Janie Dee, Robert Glenister, Jamie Glover, Celia Imrie, Karl Johnson, Aisling Loftus, Amy Nuttall and Paul Ready. In signing order – completely different. I consulted a few of the ‘zombies’ to figure out the exit and entry behaviour of the said nine – who arrives early, who pops out for a ciggy (and possibly siggy) breaks, who stays back after the shows making sure the Pit Bar makes a profit that week.

A single ‘hit’ visit looked unlikely. Once again I aimed for a Saturday matinée. Hopefully a staggered entrance over an hour wold enable me to get the majority of them. Some had already beaten me – drat – but luckily Robert required some lunch and was happy, as always, to sign.

Janie was also inside, but she was having a nap in preparation for the two performances ahead. It’s a physically demanding show, so I could understand her reasons but that didn’t help my mission. An hour out from curtain and I had all but Celia (who had gone in through the front door to sort some tickets out for friends, so I was told) and Janie. The following Tuesday I collected the duo coming out on my way home from a ‘stalking’ raid in the West End. A successful ‘play’ in two acts!

Drawing: Sophie Thompson, Miranda Raison and John Hefferman in The Physicists at Donmar Warehouse

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One of my favourite actresses… no, people is Sophie Thompson (younger sister of Emma… another one of my favourites). Many will know her from Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows. In fact, what British performer isn’t in that franchise? Or even Eastenders for the soap slaves?

I met Sophie after a performance of the racial satire Claybourne Park at Wyndham’s Theatre and asked her to sign a sketch. She loved it so much I gave her a copy. A week later she sent me a lovely thank you note. Her handwriting and ‘spiral’ signature is very distinctive.

She has an enchanting, bubbly personality that makes you want to spend more time with her. She could probably turn you down and you would still feel happy.

In July 2012 I did another sketch of Sophie, along with Miranda Raison and John Hefferman from the Donmar Warehouse production of the critically acclaimed The Physicists. Miranda, with an equally infectious personality, signed for me while she was in Anne Boleyn at Shakespeare’s Globe in 2010. She is best remembered as Jo Portman in the TV series Spooks.

I asked Sophie if she would kindly sign the sketch and ask Miranda and John to do the same. Sure as eggs, she completed the task and returned it along with copies for each to keep, and along with her customary and welcomed complimentary note.

Drawing: Kevin Spacey in Richard III at The Old Vic Theatre

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The enigmatic multi award-winning actor, Kevin Spacey has been the Old Vic’s Artistic Director since 2003. His efforts have been recognised by a variety of accolades, including an honorary CBE from the Queen.

On stage, I have been fortunate enough (without paying a fortune) to see Kevin in two productions at the theatre. Inherit the Wind and Richard III. The latter reunited director Sam Mendes with Kevin for the first time since their successful collaboration in the Oscar winning film American Beauty.

With Kevin in the title role as the tyrant monarch (although his newly found skull, found under a Leicester car park, suggested he did not have the face of a deformed despot, which pleased the anti-Shakespeare/pro-Richard faction) the production began at the Old Vic in mid 2011, followed by a worldwide tour, culminating in a New York season in 2012.

With his other play and at various public appearances such as opening nights, premieres, even Mikhail Gorbachev‘s 80th birthday bash (Kevin was MC) at the Royal Albert Hall. I have always found him a generous and gracious signer.

He even had his own ‘siggy stall’ – a custom built signing window next to the Old Vic stage door, which he stands behind after each performance, signs and poses for pics. However, for Richard III he did not use the protective porthole and did not sign at all. It was probably due to the taxing final scenes in which he hangs upside down for some length of time. It would take a while for him to stabilise into a Sharpie controlling state. So I left the sketch at the stage door with a note and a stamped self-addressed envelope. It was returned to me within the week.

Sketch: Keira Knightley and Damian Lewis in The Misanthrope

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Keira Knightley’s West End debut in a modernised version of Moliere’s The Misanthrope sparked a box office frenzy at the Comedy Theatre in late 2009.

Damian Lewis wasn’t exactly an unknown either, after his appearance in Spielberg’s TV series Band of Brothers. The cast also included Tara Fitzgerald and Dominic Rowan. But the hoopla surrounding the nightly appearance of Keira was something else…

Barriers were erected either side of the stage door and patrolled by a number of suited security men who managed the post-show pantomime. Populace on one side, paparazzi on the other. Some nights there were equal numbers. They included a mixture of autograph collectors, dealers, sycophants, rubber neckers, voyeurs and genuine audience members.

One night, a perceived threat to Ms Knightley prompted the Met to send half of its Central London muster to Keira’s aid. A poor Polish bloke (or maybe Hungarian) holding a poster was pinned up against the theatre wall, while the police searched and questioned him. Well, 3 of them did, the rest of the constabulary stood around waiting for the star to show.

The news even reached New Zealand, where one of my friends; familiar with my stalking activities; enquired if it was me!

The Knightley exit was always prefaced by her bodyguards: come out first, survey the scene and give the all clear. Keira would pop out, pop down the line, sign, stop for the pap pics and pop into the waiting black car and speed off. All within 20 seconds. 30 on a slow night.

To her credit Keira did sign, scrawl, scribble, scratch. It became known as the ‘Keira K’. Another day, another K. K if you were lucky. Often the downstroke of a K. Depending on where you were in the line, you could get a vertical or horizontal scrawl across 3 items. A ‘KK’ was ok, but a name and dedication would be a miracle.

On the particular early January evening I went for my sketch to be signed, the snow had stopped.

Damian left first, his usual friendly self. He really liked the sketch and was happy to sign and dedicate. He acknowledged his small band of admirers and strolled off into the night. Keira’s bodyguard appeared, so everyone braced themselves and MS Knightley popped out, all smiles. For some reason she came over to me first, saw the sketch and said “Oh, Wow!”. She signed it and I asked if she could inscribe ‘To Mark’ (in for a penny). She did, completed the rest of the autographs, usual pose for the paps and into the car and off.

Drawing: Kim Cattrall in Private Lives at the Vaudeville Theatre

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Emmy Award Winning American TV Actress Kim Cattrall is actually English-Canadian, born in Liverpool but immigrating to Canada when she was 3 months old. She returned to England at the age of 11 and has been a UK Stage and Screen regular over the past couple of decades.

In 2010 she headlined Noël Coward’s Private Lives at the Vaudeville Theatre to critical acclaim. I waited at the stage door after a Saturday matinée. Kim’s PA carefully scrutinised items for Kim to sign. They were strict on signing show material and the occasional autograph book. When she saw my sketch she quickly brought Kim over. They were so impressed they asked for a copy. I actually redrew another original and dropped it in a few days later. Kim sent me a thank you card, which is a rarity, so I guess she was really pleased with the sketch.

Drawing: Robert Lindsay and Joanna Lumley in The Lion in Winter at Theatre Royal Haymarket

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I was the only scribble stalker waiting at the stage door of the Theatre Royal, Haymarket on a Friday night. I thought it best to get Robert Lindsay and Joanna Lumley – the leads in A Lion in Winter – going in, leaving the rest of my Friday evening for more convivial pursuits.

The stage door opens out onto a quaint central London cul-de-sac, lined with the usual inner London occupants: professional business, residential accommodation, back doors lined with the usual soiled laundry awaiting collection and replacement, and diplomatic offices. There is limited parking space. The talent are usually chauffeur driven and dropped off and picked up at the door. However, there was a small space reserved, and I knew from previous experience that Joanna likes to drive herself to and from work. She owns a very nice little smart car, just the right size I thought for the reserved park.

Time ticked by and it was now within the hour til curtain and no sign of Robert or Joanna. Had they gone in the front? I was about to enquire, when I was caught by the headlights of a speeding smart car heading to its selected space. Joanna, obviously in a rush, leapt out.

The management at the Haymarket had posted notices saying that Robert and Joanna would only sign programmes and tickets. This could be tricky, but she couldn’t be more lovely. I apologised for stopping her hasty entrance and pointed out the policy… she said “Oh no, this is special, absolutely fabulous,” thanked me and slipped in. I forgot to ask about Robert…

Then he appeared, saying goodbye to a visitor. He was in, but nearly out! Yes, indeed, after the pleasantries with his friend who left, I approached. Turned out he had food poisoning and was hoping the medication would kick in before he went on stage. Even in sickness the ailing actor was super charming and gladly signed. I never did find out if his understudy was required that evening.

Drawing: The Ladykillers starring Peter Capaldi, Ben Miller, Stephen Wright, Harry Peacock, James Fleet, Marcia Warren and Clive Rowe

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Collecting siggies from large casts can be murder! The celebrated Ealing comedy The Ladykillers had seven cast members – not in itself a large number, and in fact to some a lucky numeral, but collecting their graphs could be no laughing matter. Waiting at the stage door after the show can prove a problem, because they may all come out at once (or they may all stay in for drinkies). And, unlike school children, lining up on command so you can collect their scribble one at a time isn’t usually in the thespians repertoire. It was best, I thought, to get them going in. Stupidly I chose the final week, so if you miss, it’s curtains.

A the penultimate Saturday matinee, I duly arrived at the Gielgud Theatre stage door at high noon. Like clockwork, each cast member arrived… individually, and gladly signed. Peter Capaldi, Ben Miller, Stephen Wright. I had actually got Harry Peacock earlier, passing the Comedy Theatre where his wife, Katherine Parkinson, was performing. I then discovered that I could get the ‘killers’, but the ‘Lady’ had already gone in. Bugger. But, James Fleet to the rescue, “If you trust me with your drawing I’ll take it in for her and return it.”

Great stuff. He returned promptly with Marcia Warren’s ‘graphed sketch. Oh, and one of the ‘killers’ had left the show due to illness. Clive Rowe was in my drawing but not in the house,  I eventually got his signature to complete the set at the Old Vic during the season of Kiss Me Kate, almost a year later!

Drawing: Susannah York

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I had a continuing schoolboy crush on Susannah York and was lucky enough to see her in Daphne Du Maurier’s September Tide at the then Comedy Theatre in 1994. The production still remains one of my favourites, for both the play itself and the performances, which also included Michael Praed and Hermione Norris. Both Susannah and Michael signed my programme afterwards.

16 years later I waited outside the Leicester Square Theatre to again ask Susannah for her siggy on my sketches. She was appearing in the play Miracle I had just missed her but the others gathered with similar intent. She told them that she wouldn’t be long and that she had just popped out to buy something to eat. Susannah soon returned and appeared quite fragile, almost frightened. But smiled when she saw the sketches and was happy to sign them with her usual strong signature. Subsequently I found out that in actual fact it was her birthday that day. Sadly she only had one more birthday and passed away 6 days after her 72nd birthday of bone cancer. Her obituary in the Telegraph read, “the blue-eyed English rose with the china-white skin and cupid lips who epitomised the sensuality of the swinging 60’s”

Drawing Miss Daisy – James Earl Jones, Vanessa Redgrave and Boyd Gaines

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After a sellout season on Broadway, Driving Miss Daisy transferred to Wyndham’s Theatre in London’s West End with the original cast – Vanessa Regrave, James Earl Jones and Boyd Gaines. It was the latter and 4 time Tony Award winner whose ‘graph was the simplest to get. Boyd left via the stage door, happily signed the sketch, made polite conversation and then went on his merry way.

James Earl Jones is a excellent signer, but not at the stage door. Once ensconced in his dressing room his son appears at the stage door and says, “Is there anyone here waiting for James Earl Jones’ autograph?” All nod. Then he proceeds to collect all the material with instructions and takes it in for his father to sign. Depending on the amount of items, he returns shortly thereafter to hand back the ‘graphed memorabilia to their respective owners.

Vanessa Redgrave made use of the many doors of the Wyndham’s Theatre. If you’re lucky enough to catch her, and depending on how she feels you may get an autograph or a polite refusal followed by a variety of reasons. I remember having a very nice conversation with her before she wandered off to her waiting car without signing. The sketch was actually signed at the Coriolanus premiere at the Curzon cinema in Mayfair some months later. It was a bitterly cold evening and everyone thought she would just do press an then quickly go in. That certainly looked like the plan when she arrived. But, she then deviated across to where I was standing behind the barriers, opposite the drop off area. She saw my sketch and was very impressed with it, taking some time to sign and dedicate it between her conversation covering a multiplicity of subjects, much to the annoyance of the other ‘graphers. She then thanked me and walked off to the waiting paps… much to the extreme annoyance of the other ‘graphers. Quotation: “You and your bloody drawings,” one said. Yes, indeed. My bloody drawing with 3 very nice dedicated signatures on it.

Drawing: David Suchet as Poirot

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David Suchet is best known for his portrayal of Agatha Christie’s most famous detective Hercule Poirot. He has played the eponymous Belgian sleuth since 1989, so you would think some of his characteristics my have rubbed off – impatience, opinionated and direct… but no, he’s quite the opposite, one of the nicest people you could ever wish to meet.

He signed a black biro sketch of Poirot after a performance of All My Sons with Zoe Wanamaker at the Apollo Theatre stage door foyer in June 2010. One thing that they do obviously both have in common is doing things in an orderly manner. Placing my sketch neatly on the table he produced a complete set of Sharpie pens. A pack of 20 with every colour available. He selected the red, looked at the drawing then signed and dedicated it to me.