Sketch: Keira Knightley and Damian Lewis in The Misanthrope

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Keira Knightley’s West End debut in a modernised version of Moliere’s The Misanthrope sparked a box office frenzy at the Comedy Theatre in late 2009.

Damian Lewis wasn’t exactly an unknown either, after his appearance in Spielberg’s TV series Band of Brothers. The cast also included Tara Fitzgerald and Dominic Rowan. But the hoopla surrounding the nightly appearance of Keira was something else…

Barriers were erected either side of the stage door and patrolled by a number of suited security men who managed the post-show pantomime. Populace on one side, paparazzi on the other. Some nights there were equal numbers. They included a mixture of autograph collectors, dealers, sycophants, rubber neckers, voyeurs and genuine audience members.

One night, a perceived threat to Ms Knightley prompted the Met to send half of its Central London muster to Keira’s aid. A poor Polish bloke (or maybe Hungarian) holding a poster was pinned up against the theatre wall, while the police searched and questioned him. Well, 3 of them did, the rest of the constabulary stood around waiting for the star to show.

The news even reached New Zealand, where one of my friends; familiar with my stalking activities; enquired if it was me!

The Knightley exit was always prefaced by her bodyguards: come out first, survey the scene and give the all clear. Keira would pop out, pop down the line, sign, stop for the pap pics and pop into the waiting black car and speed off. All within 20 seconds. 30 on a slow night.

To her credit Keira did sign, scrawl, scribble, scratch. It became known as the ‘Keira K’. Another day, another K. K if you were lucky. Often the downstroke of a K. Depending on where you were in the line, you could get a vertical or horizontal scrawl across 3 items. A ‘KK’ was ok, but a name and dedication would be a miracle.

On the particular early January evening I went for my sketch to be signed, the snow had stopped.

Damian left first, his usual friendly self. He really liked the sketch and was happy to sign and dedicate. He acknowledged his small band of admirers and strolled off into the night. Keira’s bodyguard appeared, so everyone braced themselves and MS Knightley popped out, all smiles. For some reason she came over to me first, saw the sketch and said “Oh, Wow!”. She signed it and I asked if she could inscribe ‘To Mark’ (in for a penny). She did, completed the rest of the autographs, usual pose for the paps and into the car and off.

Drawing: Kim Cattrall in Private Lives at the Vaudeville Theatre

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Emmy Award Winning American TV Actress Kim Cattrall is actually English-Canadian, born in Liverpool but immigrating to Canada when she was 3 months old. She returned to England at the age of 11 and has been a UK Stage and Screen regular over the past couple of decades.

In 2010 she headlined Noël Coward’s Private Lives at the Vaudeville Theatre to critical acclaim. I waited at the stage door after a Saturday matinée. Kim’s PA carefully scrutinised items for Kim to sign. They were strict on signing show material and the occasional autograph book. When she saw my sketch she quickly brought Kim over. They were so impressed they asked for a copy. I actually redrew another original and dropped it in a few days later. Kim sent me a thank you card, which is a rarity, so I guess she was really pleased with the sketch.

Drawing: Robert Lindsay and Joanna Lumley in The Lion in Winter at Theatre Royal Haymarket

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I was the only scribble stalker waiting at the stage door of the Theatre Royal, Haymarket on a Friday night. I thought it best to get Robert Lindsay and Joanna Lumley – the leads in A Lion in Winter – going in, leaving the rest of my Friday evening for more convivial pursuits.

The stage door opens out onto a quaint central London cul-de-sac, lined with the usual inner London occupants: professional business, residential accommodation, back doors lined with the usual soiled laundry awaiting collection and replacement, and diplomatic offices. There is limited parking space. The talent are usually chauffeur driven and dropped off and picked up at the door. However, there was a small space reserved, and I knew from previous experience that Joanna likes to drive herself to and from work. She owns a very nice little smart car, just the right size I thought for the reserved park.

Time ticked by and it was now within the hour til curtain and no sign of Robert or Joanna. Had they gone in the front? I was about to enquire, when I was caught by the headlights of a speeding smart car heading to its selected space. Joanna, obviously in a rush, leapt out.

The management at the Haymarket had posted notices saying that Robert and Joanna would only sign programmes and tickets. This could be tricky, but she couldn’t be more lovely. I apologised for stopping her hasty entrance and pointed out the policy… she said “Oh no, this is special, absolutely fabulous,” thanked me and slipped in. I forgot to ask about Robert…

Then he appeared, saying goodbye to a visitor. He was in, but nearly out! Yes, indeed, after the pleasantries with his friend who left, I approached. Turned out he had food poisoning and was hoping the medication would kick in before he went on stage. Even in sickness the ailing actor was super charming and gladly signed. I never did find out if his understudy was required that evening.

Drawing: Susannah York

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I had a continuing schoolboy crush on Susannah York and was lucky enough to see her in Daphne Du Maurier’s September Tide at the then Comedy Theatre in 1994. The production still remains one of my favourites, for both the play itself and the performances, which also included Michael Praed and Hermione Norris. Both Susannah and Michael signed my programme afterwards.

16 years later I waited outside the Leicester Square Theatre to again ask Susannah for her siggy on my sketches. She was appearing in the play Miracle I had just missed her but the others gathered with similar intent. She told them that she wouldn’t be long and that she had just popped out to buy something to eat. Susannah soon returned and appeared quite fragile, almost frightened. But smiled when she saw the sketches and was happy to sign them with her usual strong signature. Subsequently I found out that in actual fact it was her birthday that day. Sadly she only had one more birthday and passed away 6 days after her 72nd birthday of bone cancer. Her obituary in the Telegraph read, “the blue-eyed English rose with the china-white skin and cupid lips who epitomised the sensuality of the swinging 60’s”

Drawing: Adrian Lester in Red Velvet at the Tricycle Theatre

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Adrian Lester signed my sketch at the Tricycle Theatre on the final day of the RED VELVET season.The award-winning play, written by his wife Lolita Chakrabarti, is the story of Ira Aldridgeo – the first African-American actor of note to perform on stage in Victorian London. He is considered to be one of the greatest Shakespearen thespians of the 19th Century. Adrian and Lolita both won awards at the recent London Critics’ circle Theatre Awards.

Known for his role as con man Mickey Bricks in the TV series HUSTLE, it did cross my mind that a ‘mark’ in grifter’s terms means ‘a target’…. a thought best left as a thought as he, as usual, graciously signed and dedicated the drawing.

Drawing: Jeremy Irons in The Gods Weep at the Hampstead Theatre

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Oscar winner Jeremy Irons had previously signed a sketch for me when he played the lead role in Chris Hampton’s adaption of EMBERS at the Duke of York’s Theatre in 2006.

Expecting a similar result I waited at the Hampstead Theatre one Saturday afternoon to catch him going in for a performance of THE GODS WEEP – an update of the King Lear saga by Dennis Kelly. The Hampstead has a number of entrances and exits, providing a challenge for the ‘siggy stalker.’

Alas, I missed him, so left the sketch with a suitable note and a stamped reply envelope at the stage door. I received the drawing back a few days later, unsigned with a message from Jeremy’s PA. It said that Mr Irons would be happy to sign it if I made a donation to the Prison Phoenix Trust which offers yoga, meditation and books to prisoners. He suggested £15 would be an appropriate amount.

I duly sent the sketch back with the recommended contribution and it arrived back signed and dedicated along with a thank you for the donation. A couple of weeks later, Jeremy was attending an opening night in the West End with his wife Sinead Cusack and signed some autographs… for free!

Drawing: Derren Brown in Svengali at the Novello Theatre

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Illusionist, painter, writer, showman and sceptic, Derren Brown signed my sketch after a performance of his Olivier Award winning ‘Svengali’ at the Novello Theatre in London. He is one of the nicest entertainers – very engaging with the fans at the stage door. He seemed genuinely interested in everyone and was in no rush as he signed autographs and posed for photos… then again he did hypnotise half of the audience! So, I checked the next day and the drawing was indeed signed and inscribed for me!

Drawing: Richard Briers in ‘National Assurance’ at The National Theatre

Back in 2010 Richard Briers was in National Assurance at the National Theatre in London. As well as being performed on stage it was screened live in theatres around the world and for the courtyard at the National (where I was). At the end of the play the cast all came out to do a curtain call for the people in the courtyard, before quickly disappearing back inside again to do the curtain call for the people in the actual theatre.

Richard was, understandably, a little slower than the others and the staff at the National were eager to tell us all that there would be no autographs. I was pushed out of the way by them as they were eager to get him back to the stage ASAP. However, he saw my drawing and insisted that “as this gentleman has taken the time to draw me I will take the time to sign it for him”. Very kind man.Richard Briers001

Drawing: Tim Minchin

Went over to the What’s On Stage Awards in London last night, where Mr Tim Minchin was kind enough to sign my drawing for me. Now on ebay for 30 pieces of silver (ha! not really).Tim Minchin001